Fun times at FHE

FHE lessons with little kids can be.... You can fill in the blank with almost any word imaginable.  Tonight it would be: frustrating, good, and funny--in that order.

Let's start with... frustrating.

First of all, I think the phrase "It's time for Family Home Evening" must translate into kid language as "Come on kids, it's time to bounce off the walls and be as crazy as possible."  That is how we usually spend the first half (or all) of FHE--just trying to get kids to #1) stay sitting, and #2) in one place, #3) quietly, and #4) with their hands, elbows, legs, toes, tongues, etc. off of anyone else.  Meeting all four criteria would mean an unacceptable surrender of the children's rights, and therefor, the parents usually get to the point of begging, pleading, and threatening that just #1 be met.

Okay, now on to... good.

Our lesson tonight was on the sacrament.  Not so much the traditional lesson on the sacrament (though those things were mentioned), but on sacrament passing procedures.  *Sigh.*  Someone else please tell me that this is not just my kids, and that you are sitting there smiling because you already know from experience where I am going with this. 

Let's backtrack a bit... This has been going on for months.  But for example, yesterday at church, after the bread was passed, I ended up escorting a noisy, whining, Kelton out of the chapel because he was not allowed to hold the bread tray for everyone, or hand the bread tray back to the deacon, or whatever other "holding of the bread tray" he didn't get to do.  As I am in the foyer with him during the passing of the water, I hear weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth coming from inside the chapel doors.  I think to myself, "is that my kid??"  Oh yes.  Of course it is.  I open the doors to intercept a screaming Damon from Nate, who has already loaded up both Damon and Arie (because he can't leave her) and is on his way out.  Damon, at the ripe old age of three and three quarters, thinks he is old enough hold, pass, and do cartwheels with the water tray.  Nate wouldn't let him hold it... led to a tantrum on the floor... led to Nate not giving Damon a cup before passing the water back to the deacon... led to catastrophic meltdown.  Awesome.  Who knew the sacrament could be the means of such fighting?

So... on to our lesson.  We laid down specific ground rules that I would have never imagined in a million years would need to be instated.  Bread may be passed from person to person.  You take a piece of bread, then you get to hold the tray.  You do not get to hold the tray until after you take a piece of bread.  The last person gives the tray to Dad, who gives it to Mom, who gives it to the deacon.  The water tray is not held by anyone but Mom or Dad.  (this got a lot of complaints and mad facial expressions.)  Deacon gives the tray to Mom, those sitting by mom get their own cup, Mom gives the tray to Dad, and those who sit by Dad get their own cup.  Dad passes it back to Mom who passes it to the deacon.  Once rules were established, and grumping was done, we practiced...over, and over and over again using a pot lid.  :)  And you know what?  I think they've got it!  They got the role play down and could answer all procedural questions correctly (almost... see next section).  We'll see what happens when they are actually put to the test.  Now, if we could only get Arie to not snatch a second piece of bread as the tray passes back by her. 

Which leads to... funny.

Ahhh, so after all of our wrangling and explaining, and practicing, I just wanted to drive one last point home--to make sure they really understood.  In very clear, slow, deliberate speaking, I asked Damon, "So, who holds the water tray?" 

His serious response... "Um... minions??"

That's it.  Despicable Me and Despicable Me 2 are on their way back to the library first thing in the morning.